So I thought I'd check it out.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Slippers. The fluffy kind.
What is your greatest fear?
Never being able to reach the snack shelf.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Being able to reach the snack shelf.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Buying snacks for a shelf I can't reach.
What is your favourite journey?
Don't stop believin'
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
I don't know my ape parents, if I did I'm sure I'd like them
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My bed. It's always there to catch me when I fall
When and where were you happiest?
In bed. I'm unhappy on the floor.
What talent would you most like to have?
The ability to move things with my mind, so that with every job that must be done there would be an element of fun.
What is your current state of mind?
Empire. Nothing like a concrete jungle where dreams are made of.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Longer arms. Those snacks wouldn't stand a chance
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I accidentally bumped a Mars Bar off the snack shelf once. They say you should celebrate the small things, but this was one of those 20% extra bars and it deserved a celebration.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Finishing that Mars Bar
What is your favourite occupation?
I was hired by a prestigious New York law firm once. Stuck in a bad crowd at the time, I was running from a drug deal and found myself in the recruitment office. They usually only hired Harvard graduates, but I met with one of the top lawyers and got in on account of my photographic memory and sharp wit. I used to take the bar exam for kids in college to make a bit of extra cash so I knew everything I needed to about law to make it through the interview. Had to spend an extortionate amount of money on a sharp suit, but it seemed like a good idea for the opportunity.
What is your most marked characteristic?
There's a mark on my characteristic!? Get it off! Did I get it?
What do you most value in your friends?
A sushi dinner and copious amounts of wine.
Who are your favourite writers
My doctor. He writes on a piece of paper that gets me a week off work.
Who is your favourite hero of fiction?
Batman, he's really just a philanthropic rich guy in a fancy suit.
Who are your heroes in real life?
Step ladders. Helping me defeat the snack shelf, putting an end to it's merciless tyranny.
What is it that you most dislike?
Instant coffee. It's like drinking mud in a cup. Assuming you'd drink mud in a cup, I'm not sure how else you'd go about drinking it? It's something I try not to make a habit of doing.
How would you like to die?
By banging my head on the fountain of youth, subsequently knocking it's liquid over onto myself, bringing me back to life to relive my twenties.
What is your motto?
Silliness and happiness are two of the best kinds of 'ness.
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